Skull Earrings and Black Crosses
by Ho-sama
Summary: Meg changes meatsuits after spending a difficult year without Cas and the Winchesters. She is found almost as soon as she goes into deep cover. When Meg and Dean begin to fight for Cas like dogs over a bone, Cas doesn't know how to handle the situation. Meg/Castiel, Dean/Castiel. [COMPLETED]
1. Skull Earrings and Black Crosses

**Title:** Skull Earrings and Black Crosses  
**Rating:** NC-17  
**Pairing:** Meg/Castiel, Dean/Castiel  
**Spoilers:** Up to 8.08  
**Warnings:** Strong language, sexual content, graphic sex, allusions to torture and sexual abuse.  
**Summary:** Meg changes meatsuits after spending a difficult year without Cas and the Winchesters. She is found almost as soon as she goes into deep cover.  
**A/N: **I wrote the answer to my own question of, "Where the hell is Meg?"

* * *

A sultry female voice addressed another female who was reclining in a darkened alley. Under the cover of night, they looked like nothing more than a pair of forlorn shadows. "I like your earrings. Skulls," the woman said, "You've got good taste."

The woman who could barely support herself against the brick wall lifted her eyes to the brunette addressing her. She gave her a confused sneer and made a sound of disdain in spite of the compliment she had just been given because she regularly received compliments that were laced with expectations. Having no clue that a former agent of Lucifer was speaking to her, the human female expected this compliment was as opportunistic as all the others. She was right.

Even with her anger, her distrust, and her lack of animation, the human woman was pretty. She wore fishnet thigh high stockings on legs that extended for miles. The rest of her slim frame was clad for a party that had ended long ago. The woman had a thick mass of glossy black, bouncing curls, and soft, full lips. Her large, almond-shaped eyes were almost as dark as her hair and her smooth skin was a warm, radiant light brown hue. All of these traits were appealing to Meg, who was already attracted to the human's macabre sense of style and abject misery.

It was time for the demon to change. She didn't want to, but her current body had been hunted for too long. She couldn't afford to be sentimental. Sentimentality had only ever caused her pain. A body swap wouldn't help much, but Meg was in need of any help she could get. Meg still wanted to be female and she knew the advantages of being pretty so her choice to inhibit the body of this stranger was all the more clear. The Fates wouldn't put such a weakened body in her path if they didn't want her to take it.

"How would you like to be possessed?" Meg asked the other woman.

"Fuck off," she slurred.

"No way, doll face. You're just my type," Meg purred. She pinned the other woman against the wall and the human struggled feebly in response. "Darlin', you have been hittin' _something_ too hard."

Ms. Skull Earrings was a beautiful vagrant – a woman with a story to tell and probably several bones to pick.

Meg didn't even have to try to keep her still because whatever was in her system was already keeping her down. The demon laughed because the woman in her grasp could not be more perfect. Meg sensed an inner viciousness and deep pain within the young woman that spoke to her.

Meg had tried a good girl once and she didn't like the fight she put up. At least this one looked like she had nothing to look forward to. Maybe she would see possession as a step up to whatever the hell it was she was going through right now. "Satan's dick, you are a sexy bitch. Even sexier than this meatsuit," Meg grinned and held up the woman's unhappy face. "You wanna be roomies?"

The woman in the skull earrings cast her eyes down and begged to be left alone, but Meg forced her to look back at her face. Meg wasn't asking because the human had a choice. In the next second, Meg pressed their mouths together in an aggressive kiss. She liked the look of this human so much she decided she would infest her with style. Meg let her demonic essence slither around their melding tongues and into the darker woman. Soon, Meg found herself kissing a corpse as she looked out of fresh eyes.

The former Meg collapsed lifeless on the pavement.

Switching bodies left Meg in a frenzy of emotion and sensation. She absorbed the woman's history and was bludgeoned by the toxins in her body. _Fuck me. I haven't been this wasted in a while._ Meg tested out her new legs, stumbling about the alley. The movement made her sick, and she drenched the boots of her previous body in bile.

Meg stared at the sightless eyes of the butchered doll that had been her old meatsuit, "Sorry, me."

She did feel remorse at having to forfeit her body, but she was a hunted demon. The others knew that form too well. Yet, even with her change, Meg didn't feel very comforted. She was tired. With incredible struggle, she ran away from the old Meg.

She was taller than before, thinner. Meg didn't think this body had enjoyed a proper meal in a while. If she had left her there, Meg wasn't certain the human would have lived for much longer. Abandoned, alone, and ailing suited Meg well. This girl had had all the right ideas. Meg would booze and abuse more often if she didn't have to be on her toes to avoid all the demons on her tail.

"Wake up, wake up!" Meg growled and slapped herself hard. "Wake. Up."

She was dizzy with nausea. Her legs buckled beneath her when she reached the street. "No, c'mon, baby girl. Give us…some energy…" Meg sighed. She couldn't move. She took the time, instead, to check her pockets. She found a wallet in her jacket and took several minutes to decipher the address on her driver's license. Meg wished for friends that she knew would never come.

For the millionth time since parting from him, she thought of Cas, but she wouldn't call out to him. She wasn't even sure if he was dead or alive. Meg kept hearing that he was dead, but then she would hear stories that he was alive or that he'd been banished from Earth. If Cas was back on Earth she would bet he was in the vicinity of a black car and that he had forgotten all about her. Meg just wanted a ride to get to the address in her mind and she was too weakened to help herself. Suddenly, a shroud of black fell over her.

When Meg woke up hours later, she felt an enormous sense of panic. She couldn't believe she'd spent the night in the street. Meg ran more, and found her apartment with effort. The key in her possession slipped in the lock effortlessly. The place was in a disarray, as was to be expected. It was bare and inhospitable. Meg hurried into the room she knew to be hers, pulled out a fresh pair of clothes, and then went to shower. She imagined that she was washing away the last bit of human from her body.

Meg stepped out and lingered naked in the bathroom, silently wishing this space could make her invisible. With her next step, she caught her reflection in a crusty mirror. Frozen, she stared. It was always strange to see herself in a new body. When the demon moved, the body moved like a helpless puppet. Now that she was clean, Meg found her bag of bones to be even more attractive than before. She smiled a charming smile at her beauty, but the smile withered away as she turned and recognized black marks on her back. Meg's large eyes widened at the sight of a tattoo of dark feathered wings that were linked to a black cross between her shoulder blades.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me." She swiped all the products off the bathroom counter and threw a bottle of shampoo in rage. She grabbed her knife and huffed as she held the blade to her skin. Meg wanted to flay her skin to get the offensive ink off. A blood droplet sprouted on one of the feathers of her artificial wing. "God. Damn. It."

Meg seriously contemplated switching bodies again, but, in the end, she didn't. She laughed at the thought of being marked with a Christian cross and angel wings. She waved her knife at her reflection. "You thought _you_ were an angel? Bitch please."

After dressing her body, Meg sacked the apartment for all of its valuables. When a man stumbled out of the other room, she lifted her knife to his face. "Get the hell out of my house," She said.

Shocked and terrified by the blade in his face and the sharpness of her eyes, he obeyed, but not before Meg lifted his wallet from him. When she had a bag full of money and a few other things she could use, she conversed with herself. "Now what? Plan A: Run. Plan B: Kill and Run. Plan C: Run more."

Her life only ever consisted of fleeing and fighting. She fled again because she didn't know what else to do. She left behind everything her human body had ever known because she never wanted to be reminded of her meatsuit's past or influenced by her meatsuit's problems. She walked for days without stopping, staying in any shadows she could find as she travelled. Meg went to the smallest town she could find a few states away in Tennessee where she found a job at a diner and tried to sink away into obscurity.

* * *

Meg wore an absurd, candy pink uniform with a white apron, but kept her skull earrings. Along with her earrings, her bold, feline eye makeup set her apart from her other female coworkers. Meg had argued to management that she needed some individuality if she was going to be forced into wearing such a retro, borderline sexist uniform to work. Meg almost hadn't gotten hired for the job, but the diner had been aching for help. She had told them her name was Meg Masters before realizing that it probably would have been smarter for her to pretend to be someone else. Still, she thought, nobody would expect to find Meg working a legitimate job. Apart from her stint at the hospital under very different circumstances, working wasn't something Meg did. She had a new body and a new job in a place that she felt was hidden away.

When she wasn't working, she kept to herself and lived a pitifully downtrodden existence. Although she slept in the woods, her life was better than anything she could imagine in Hell. It was better than any sort of existence she would have if Crowley caught her again. Homelessness didn't bother her, but her human coworkers found it unpalatable and sad when they discovered she didn't have an address. To their credit, their bleeding hearts led them to set her up in a place where she paid almost nothing to live. Meg spent all of her free time hidden in her loft apartment because she feared being detected more than she feared almost anything else. When she was alone, she hardly made a peep, and she was assaulted by terrible memories at every turn.

Fate was cruel, and the winds of destiny blew a trio of the most colorful, obnoxious people that it possibly could right into her path. One day, when Meg appeared from behind the kitchen, the three men that were the bane of her existence had already been seated. Meg was to bring one of them pie. When she saw Dean Winchester's face, she couldn't believe her eyes. He didn't recognize her, of course.

Meg halted and backed away with the tray in her hand. _No, no, no, no, no, no_. She set the pie and salad down on the counter and her vision blurred with dread as she looked down at it.

"You okay?" A male waiter asked her.

"I think I'm sick. I think I should go home," Meg said.

"Really?" The man neared Meg and she could feel his concern washing over her. "But you're never sick. What's wrong?"

"I just don't feel good."

"Well, can you at least take that tray to your table? I'll ask Dee if we can find someone to cover for you." He paused and frowned at her when she stiffened. He knew she wasn't really sick. "What's going on? Meg, did those guys say something to you?"

She hated his concern for her and had trouble biting back bitchy remarks. If she was quick and smart, she thought, maybe the power trio wouldn't notice her. "Never mind. Forget about it."

Meg slapped on a false smile and confidently walked to the men sharing a booth. She wished she had thought to spit in the pie before going over to the table, but it was too late now. "Apple pie?"

"That's right here," Dean grinned at her. At first, he was dazzled by the pie, but when he got another look at Meg, he was enchanted by her meatsuit. To Dean, she looked like a reincarnation of Cleopatra. She had a voice like honey, but she carried an ancient power with her that made her seem horribly out of place at the diner. She was so stunning that he couldn't resist his urge to flatter her in some way. "Skull earrings?" Dean said in a flirtatious tone, "Awesome."

She smiled, not because she was moved by the compliment, but because she was imagining the depths of the horror he would be experiencing if he knew she was not just a demon, but the infamous Meg. She fantasized about beating his face in with the plate as she batted her eyes at him, "You're sweet."

Dean was so struck by her beautiful face that he didn't read her nametag. "I'm guessing the salad's for this big handsome guy over here," Meg said, carefully avoiding looking at the man in the trench coat.

"Oh, yeah," Sam said, "Thanks."

Castiel was sitting across from Dean, giving Meg the most blatant stare. He had known who she was instantly. He gasped when she looked at him, and only shifted his gaze to Dean when he felt the oldest Winchester kicking him under the table. "You need anything?" Meg asked Cas, "Coffee? Water?"

Castiel only replied by staring at her more intensely, and he got another nudge from Dean. The angel's mouth had fallen open, but no words came out.

"Okay then. Y'all enjoy," Meg said before making her exit. _Ugh, did I just say y'all?_

"Cas, a little subtly?" Dean glared at the angel. "You can't just stare down the hot waitresses like that. It's creepy."

"But, Dean," Cas exhaled, "She's… she's…"

"Really really gorgeous, yeah, I get it," Dean grumbled. He was prickling up with jealously even though he had been willing to flirt with the same woman. The thought of Cas having obvious desire for someone that wasn't him boiled Dean's insides.

"No," Castiel began, but he caught Meg's furious glare from across the room. She lifted her finger to her lips in a hushing gesture, demanding his silence. The angel looked down at the red table, conflicted. Cas swallowed in his anxiety because he had no desire to lie to Dean, but he also could not put Meg in distress.

"No what?" Sam asked before shoveling a wad of leaves into his mouth.

"'Gorgeous' doesn't do her justice," Castiel answered softly and Dean just about lost his taste for pie. Dean looked around the diner, but Meg was nowhere to be seen. Sam raised his eyebrows with amusement because Cas almost never showed interest in women.

"Some waitress," Dean muttered. "You should try getting her number."

"Dean, leave him alone," Sam sighed. He wasn't on good terms with his brother at the moment, so he found almost everything Dean said or did to be wrong and irritating.

Castiel kept trying to look for Meg the entire time the Winchesters ate. She emerged to serve other tables and Cas' stares almost gave her away, but she made several discreet, nasty faces at him to warn him to keep his mouth shut. He didn't give her away, but he couldn't stop staring at her, and Dean noticed. When Meg had to go back to their table, she had trouble keeping up her act.

"How was the pie?" She asked.

"Delicious," Dean lied. All he had been able to taste was the bitterness of witnessing Castiel's interest in the woman before him.

Meg was thinking about how much she would like to slap Dean's pretty boy face as she said, "Can I get you anything else?"

"No, thanks," Sam replied.

Dean furrowed his brow at the angel. "Cas?"

"Your name's Cas? What a nice name," Meg smiled affectionately at the angel. "Very original. Very cool."

"Meg?" Dean frowned. "Your name is Meg?"

"Sure is," She answered cheerily without missing a beat. "Can I get you your check?"

Dean's instincts flared for a moment, warning him of danger, but he brushed those feelings away. The Meg he knew and hated would never work as a waitress. Dean told himself that there could be more than one woman in the world named Meg, but that made him wonder about Cas. Did Cas just have a thing for Megs in general? Was he attracted to this Meg because she shared a name with the demon? Dean tried to hide his animosity in case she really was just a waitress at a diner. In any other setting he would be dousing her in holy water.

Castiel attempted to act like everything was normal, but he was a horrible actor. He was buzzing with energy and desires that he knew he needed to keep hidden. Dean and Sam were about to catch on, so he did something that was both stupid and desperate. Cas blurted out, "Can I ask you out?"

"Cas!" The brothers stared at him.

"What?" Meg was taken aback. "Are you serious?"

"I am interested in speaking with you at some time in the near future. Alone," Castiel kept his eyes averted from everyone, but was facing their demonic waitress. He knew 'going out with someone' was a method used by humans to spend time alone with other humans. Before revealing anything to the Winchesters, he thought it would be best to speak to Meg alone.

Meg took a second to revel in the dumbfounded looks on the faces of the brothers and feigned innocent pleasure with authenticity. _Remember, you're a human girl_. Meg was a much better actress than Cas could ever be, even under pressure. She lifted her notepad to her lips to cover the bright smile on her face. It was a smile born of mischievousness. "Oh my goodness," She said, trying to sound like an average, unassuming yokel. "Gosh, you're cute. Definitely. Yes."

"I don't get off till five. You can come get me then." Meg set their check next to Dean and milked the moment for all it was worth. Meg savored the flavor Dean's heart breaking and it was glorious. After she left, Dean left a hefty amount of money on the table and gawked at Cas. "What the hell was that?"

"You really liked her?" Sam gasped at Cas and Castiel nodded. It wasn't a lie and he thought he could at least admit that much.

"Nope. This is fishy," Dean fumed as coolly as he could. "You're never attracted to anyone. You don't ask people out. You're Cas."

"I thought that was what you wanted me to do," Cas answered. "I'm just taking the advice you've given me."

Dean's jaw dropped and he tried, in vain, to make sense of all the feelings he was having. Dean only teased Cas about women because he knew the angel would never make a move. In his heart, Dean kept Cas all to himself. The emotional disarray he was in kept him from noticing the real problem that Meg was _the_ Meg. "No. You're not," Dean said, "Something's up." _I don't like it_.

Sam bit the inside of his mouth as he watched the perplexing scene. He was tempted to hassle Dean and praise Cas for finally standing up to Dean's provocations. Sam thought it served Dean right to have Cas ask a woman out in front of him, but, on the other hand, he agreed totally with Dean. Castiel didn't ask people out. Bitterness on his part made Sam see reality from the perspective that would be most damaging to Dean. "Well, Dean, you always did tease Cas about, um…"

_Being a virgin_, they all thought.

"All I'm saying is Cas has a point," Sam said because he couldn't construct more sensitive words to the thoughts they were all having. "You tried to set him up once yourself. Isn't it better that he takes the initiative? If Cas wants to date someone, you should let him."

"Who said I wasn't letting Cas do things?" Dean glared at Sam. Through hurt and confusion, he bit out, "I don't care what he does. Go out with her if you want."

"Okay," Castiel said and got up to leave the diner. Sam wished he had Castiel's luck because Dean had been actively interfering in his love life for years now.

"At least someone gets to do what they want around here," Sam grumbled and pushed past Dean to follow after Cas. Dean stayed behind to look for the waitress, but she was hidden somewhere in the kitchen.

_Why her? _Dean cried inwardly.

* * *

At five in the evening exactly, Castiel appeared before the diner. Meg popped out of the front door and ran to him. She was so furious with him because the trio had never been anything other than trouble for her, but she also believed an opportunity had fallen right into her lap. For whatever reason, the angel had a large soft spot for her and that hadn't changed in the year spent apart from her.

"Clarence," Meg said to Cas affectionately in her new voice that was sweeter than her old voice had been. "You're a sight for sore eyes."

"You've changed," Castiel said.

"You don't like it?" Meg teased, smiling up at him with striking, dark eyes framed by long, black eyelashes. "I think this meatsuit is Dean's type, at least."

"I wasn't referring to your body," Castiel said plainly. As ever, he could see straight into her soul. Meg was recognizably hideous in a manner that had become familiar and lovable to Cas, but she was even more twisted and torn than before. "What happened to you?"

"We can't talk here. Let's go to my place," She said. Meg wouldn't touch Cas. She barely looked at him and kept a distance from him as she led him to the place she now called her own. He didn't press her with questions because he read the terror she carried with her everywhere as clearly as if she had been screaming it from her lungs. Her desperation grew with every step they took together. Yet, as their steps aligned along the road, they walked comfortably as old friends did. Meg was the first to break their silence, "Are you sure the kiddos haven't followed you?"

"I'm sure."

"What'd you do? Poof out on them?"

"Yes."

"That's my boy," Meg grinned. She regarded Castiel carefully for the first time since their reunion. She had seen many versions of the angel, but it was possible she was starting to like this one best. "You're not crazy anymore."

"Sanity is not an objective concept," Cas answered. "It's hard to say if I ever was, or am now, rational."

"I just know we've been walkin' and talkin' like a pair of lovebirds and you haven't spouted any poetry," She smiled. "You haven't mentioned bees or cats once. But, then again, you're still crazy enough to hang out with the Wonder Twins."

Castiel became uncomfortable and showed Meg a flask that contained holy water after a few seconds of consideration. "Dean suspects you. He gave me this."

"Oh, Dean," Meg rolled her eyes. "I'm surprised your Master gave you permission to see me. And, you… why'd you do that? They didn't know who I was. You should have just left me alone."

"I didn't want to," Cas answered.

Not a moment after stepping into her loft and locking it shut, Meg threw herself on the angel and pushed him into the door. She stared up at him, fighting the urge to embrace him and never let go. Cas had been a lifeline before and she thought he could be one again.

Cas didn't fight her off, but he did protest. "What are you doing?"

"New body needs a new kiss from you," Meg answered. "Remember, Cas?" The angel couldn't find the words to respond quickly enough before being pulled into a heated kiss like the first one they had ever shared. The major difference this time was that they were alone, so Meg felt the freedom to tug Cas' tie loose and feel over his body. Like the first time, Castiel responded eagerly without knowing why.

"I wanted to talk," Cas breathed to her as he enjoyed her warmth and proximity.

"I wanna talk too," Meg purred back. "You wanna talk on the bed?" She drew him into the room with more kisses and pushed him down on the mattress. Her hand quickly lowered to massage Cas through his pants, which made him gasp adorably. "You're making a cute, innocent lil face, but I know you've imagined this before."

Meg settled on top of Cas and straddled him to grind their hips together. The action was completely foreign to the angel, who stared up at Meg with the sweetest expression of lust and confusion. "You like it," Meg hissed and satisfied his desire with her lips and her hips. She felt a burst of arousal that was matched by the angel.

"No, Meg," He sighed even as he embraced her. "This isn't talking."

"What? This?" She asked before rolling her hips into him again. Meg knew better than to think Cas was any sort of saint and she wouldn't treat him like he was one. He'd ruined many lives, including hers. He could pretend to be a poet and a friend all he wanted, but he would always emerge as a twisted, single-minded weapon of violence when the moment called for it. He'd been heartless even to the people he professed to love most. "If you wanna talk, let's talk about how you vanished for a year without saying a damn thing. You left me high and dry."

"I didn't have a choice. I was in Purgatory. I am sorry," Cas whispered, although he was sorrier that he hadn't thought to look for her since his return. All of his memories of his one time nurse flooded back to him along with the guilt of having been eager to cease existing without contemplating how it would affect others. Meg stilled on top of him, leaving him twitching with craving.

Cas' story matched up with some she had heard.

"Lemme guess, you took Dean with you," She said. No matter how he used and abused Castiel, Dean was always the angel's favorite. It just wasn't fair. Castiel couldn't respond to her because fingers had made their way into his mouth and he allowed them to settle there. The angel moaned and sucked on the woman's digits out of instinct.

"Did Dean make a better bitch than me?" She growled, hating the Winchester more with each breath. Meg removed her fingers from his mouth only to kiss him again while she rocked their bodies together. She had been stupid to abstain from Castiel before. It had been unlike Meg to treat Castiel with care when sexual domination could have been her key to gaining power over him. All that time she had spent with Cas as an eggplant and she had respected his boundaries. She had bestowed upon him not one inappropriate touch even when he made his crush on her clear. Not only that, but the demon also could have kidnapped Cas for ransom or used him as her weapon. Meg hadn't done any of those things.

She was done being the polite caretaker. Now was her time to cash in. Meg would do anything to get Cas on her side, so she pushed away her anger at having lost him to the Winchesters again. Meg tried not to think about how Castiel hadn't been looking for her even though he'd been back on Earth for what she guessed had been a while. Meg wouldn't ask when he'd come back from Purgatory because she didn't want to know.

Castiel could never resist Meg, but he became terrified as their movements heated. Everything she did felt so good, and he was so excited and eager for her body, but he felt the need to stop. As long as Meg was strumming his cords of pleasure, she would succeed in distracting him from the conversation he wanted to have. He flipped her on her back and pinned her to the bed by her wrists. "Meg, please," Castiel panted, "Tell me what happened to you. I missed a year on Earth, but I didn't mean to cause you harm. Were you following us?"

Meg tried to wrap her legs around his waist, but Cas was too far away. Instead, she used a long, slender leg to rub against his crotch. "Why would I follow you?"

Castiel squeezed her wrists more tightly than he intended because she cried out in agony. Her impulses flared and she stared at Cas with wide, scared eyes. "Torture." She didn't have to say it for Cas to know. "I've been caught more than once."

"Who?"

"Who do you think?" Meg snarled back. "It's not fun anymore. It ain't cute."

Castiel kept her in place and waited for her to elaborate. Meg didn't want to tell him that she had been captured as soon as he had disappeared and that she had endured the worst imaginable suffering for having helped him and the Winchesters. Demons had tortured her without the goal of extracting information from her, but simply as a form of punishment. In their hands, Meg had lost track of time. As strong as Meg was, her heart sped even now, in the hands of the only angel that had ever flocked to her aid. Meg squirmed and gave in, leaving out all the gory details, "They call me an Angel Fucker, you know. Might as well live up to my name, huh?"

Castiel was affected by her words and by the way her face had become a cold mask, but he didn't speak or move. He continued to hold her like a vice even as she confessed to her suffering.

"I hate you so much," She hissed. Meg knew he wouldn't let her go until he was satisfied with her answers, so she blurted out everything as quickly as she could. "Nobody trusts me. It's your fault I'm like this. I had to give up my old body because they know it too well. That meatsuit… it looked like it'd been through a blender when I let it go. 'Cause it had. Twice."

"The King of Hell," In a mocking voice, she had taken on the affected accent of Crowley. She wouldn't dare speak his name. "You can thank him for whatever you're seeing."

"How did you ever escape?" Castiel asked softly.

"I think he let me go the first time because he wanted me to run… because he wanted to catch me again. It's not going to stop 'till he's dead, do you understand that? Now you're back. Now you and I can take him down together like we should have done the first time and I won't have to run anymore. Cas, I'll have your back. I've killed for you before, and I'll do it again. I'll even fuck you everyday. I'll do whatever you want."

Castiel knew the circumstances were dire and he wanted to help her, but he felt duty bound to the Winchesters. He felt fairly certain that they would never accept her. "We're trying to get Crowley too."

His hands loosened enough for her to slip from his grasp. She unzipped her dress to show off her body and looked up at Cas. "Ditch those losers."

"I can't."

Meg knew he would say that, but she didn't give up. "Cas," She said in a soft tone, "You believe in destiny and all that cosmic bullshit, right? I wasn't looking for you, and you weren't looking for me, but you found me. Of all the little crap towns in the world, you came into mine. Don't you think that's a sign?"

"It is surprising."

"You want to see something else surprising?" Meg asked. She shrugged completely out of her dress and turned over to show Castiel the tattoo on her back. "I picked this poor girl off the street. I saved her life," Meg lied. "And, look, I practically have your name written all over me. This is one of those things you'd say is a part of God's plan, right?"

Castiel absorbed the dark wings painted on her back that were joined by a black cross. Not for the first time, he was amazed by the way of the universe. He touched her inked back to check if the markings were real. His fingers felt along her skin and the ink bended down where he touched. From her prostate position, Meg lifted up her body to arch her ass into his groin. When Cas rubbed his hard, clothed dick into her black panties, she cried, "Fuck me, angel. I don't care which hole you use."

Blushing, Castiel pulled away from Meg because he was afraid. She cursed and climbed on top of him. Meg knew she couldn't be too rough if she wanted to stay on Castiel's good side, so she did her best imitation of someone who knew how to be tender.

"Do the Winchesters ever do this for you?" She kissed him gently and drew his hands to her chest. Castiel touched her curiously and remained silent. His growing arousal was only tempered by the anguish Meg carried with her. Castiel could see how she had been rent in two in the year he had been gone and he knew he was somewhat to blame. _Thorny beauty_, he had once called her, but even that description was inadequate now. Meg could sense he was looking at her more deeply than she liked.

"Stop doing that. Hey, focus!" Meg shook him and made him look at the lovely human mask she wore. "You're sane enough to want me, right?"

"Yes."

Meg was familiar and beloved. The demon had a soul that had greeted Castiel everyday as he had suffered madness in the place where Dean and Sam had left him to rot. She had taken care of him when she hadn't needed to and when no one else would. Cas thought he was worse than this demon could ever be. At least he had only seen her kill her own kind when they were hunting her. Meg had never wanted to rule the world – only survive it.

Meg undid Castiel's pants and removed what little was left of her clothing. She didn't bother taking off his coat or the rest of his clothes because she was so impatient to have him inside her. Cas was achingly hard and ready for the demon. She slid over him and teased him cruelly before impaling herself on his cock. The angel let out quiet sounds of surprise as he experienced sensations he had never felt before. His fervid desire for her eclipsed anything she felt for him, which was exactly how she liked it.

Castiel settled his hands over her hips and squeezed. She moaned with delight and bounced on top of him, enjoying every one of his reactions. _Finally_. Meg was electrified in her conquest of Cas. An internal laugh filled her heart as she moved against him roughly. She was a virgin to her new body and that lent excitement to her experimentation with the angel. As she learned her new sensitive spots, she drew Cas into an ardent kiss. After a year without a single kind touch, Meg was in awe of how good it felt to be with someone willingly for a change.

When Cas bucked into her, she encouraged him with overly desperate, feminine pleas. His mouth blazed over her shoulder, her breasts, and any piece of her he could reach. She filled his ears with what she thought were desired lies and exaggerations, "I want you to come inside me, Cas. I always have."

He didn't know what she meant, but he responded with more eager thrusts and affectionate whispers, "You're so beautiful."

Meg wanted to tell him to shut up, but when she realized why, she couldn't say anything. _Fuck you, angel. _She let him push her down into the bed where he continued to drive into her as he had once dreamed of doing. Meg had believed sex with Cas could be her method of control, or her means to pay him back for sticking with her in the future, but she found she no longer thought she needed a reason other than the fun. She was used to being hit, tied down, and bloodied, so she found their experience to be weirdly kind. There was an odd freeness that came with screwing Castiel that she hadn't expected. He knew exactly what she was, but it didn't repel him, and that was something remarkable.

The angel thought he didn't deserve anything Meg gave him, and he was amazed that she gave it to him anyway. For those reasons and more, he wanted to hear more of her cries. Castiel knew what to do despite being a virgin only moments ago. Soon, he angled his hips in a way that brought out honest moans of satisfaction from the woman.

"More," She groaned and pulled on Cas. He was a darling psychopath and she may have loved that about him. He reached his climax with a breathless groan that he followed by embracing her. They soaked in the blissful moment. She knew he was stunned, having his first orgasm, and she gave him an awkward pat on the back. The demon felt the need to say something before he resorted to poetry or calling her beautiful again.

"I'm gonna have to write a thank you letter to that pizza man, aren't I?" Meg joked and her lips formed into a gratified grin. "That was fun, don't you think?"

Castiel nodded and, with sincere emotion, he added, "Thank you."

"Y-You don't thank people for fucking you," Meg replied in astonishment and Castiel lifted his head to settle his inquisitive blue eyes on her.

"Why not?"

"Because you just don't! It's not cool, Cas, you weirdo," Meg explained, but truthfully, she might have known less about sex between people that liked each other than Cas did. "Nobody's ever thanked me before."

"Oh," Castiel frowned. "I'm sorry."

Meg hugged Cas tightly so he couldn't watch her roll her eyes. He returned her hold. "Don't thank me," She said, "Don't apologize. Just promise you won't leave me to the hyenas again."

"I would never wish pain upon you," Castiel whispered. "I owe you so much."

"Damn straight you do," Meg whined. "You little psycho." A breath of Castiel's amusement tickled her ear. This arrangement, she thought, could definitely work out very well. They spent the next several moments resting together tranquilly.

The plan had been to break into Meg's apartment to investigate her while she was 'out' with Castiel. Dean trusted his instincts and his hunches sometimes more than he trusted his own brother. Dean fervently believed Meg was some kind of supernatural and some kind of problem that Castiel had to hide. When the lock to her door was released and the Winchesters entered, the last thing they expected to see was Castiel half-dressed with a naked waitress pressed intimately on top of him. She wore a broad, satisfied grin, looking like a lioness basking in the sun. Meg opened her eyes and regarded Sam and Dean in her doorway with a dark, happy gaze. In return, Dean wore such a pained expression it was as though someone had just died.


	2. Mind Over Matter

**Title:** Mind Over Matter  
**Rating:** R  
**Pairing:** Meg/Castiel, Dean/Castiel  
**Spoilers:** Up to 8.08  
**Warnings:** Strong language, sexual content, allusions to torture and sexual abuse.  
**Summary: **Too much heart had always been Castiel's problem. When Meg and Dean begin to fight for him like dogs over a bone, Cas doesn't know how to handle the situation.

**A/N: **This is the second, and final half to this story. Enjoy!

* * *

Meg thought she had seen Dean's heart break in the diner, but she had been wrong because the shattering of a man's heart was, undoubtedly, what the demon saw in Dean now. Dean made a soft, wounded sound as he unwillingly committed the scene before him to memory. He cast his head down and shut his eyes, regretting every decision he had ever made that had allowed these series of events to unfold.

Meg thought, for certain, that he would cry. She didn't move from her comfortable spot on top of Castiel because she couldn't imagine a more appropriate vantage point from which to observe Dean's ruin. What got to Dean most wasn't what they had clearly done, but the way Castiel held Meg with such calm, with his eyes closed, as though she was the yin to his yang. Dean had seen Meg take Castiel's first kiss and now he had to witness the evidence of her taking his first time. It was too much to bear.

Yet, Dean didn't cry. Following the quick succession of feeling conveyed in his face and body, Dean took to action. Mechanically, he made his way towards the pair and dumped a bottle full of holy water on Meg's head. His lips were drawn so tight that he couldn't smile even when she screamed. Dean made a point to drench as much of her body in the substance as he could, transforming their already tense atmosphere into a horrific one.

Castiel was dismayed and showed open sympathy for Meg. Dean observed the angel's every reaction and didn't take his eyes off him. When Meg scrambled away to the floor, groaning and sizzling, Dean regarded Castiel's uncommon state of undress. The beautiful angel was slick, sweaty, and disheveled. Cas had been so impatient to fuck Meg that he hadn't even removed his coat. Dean had always desired to see Castiel in such a state, but never like this. "You knew," Dean stated. His next words were delayed by the exertion it took him to remain in control. "You knew and you said nothing."

Sam didn't want to see or hear anything he was seeing or hearing. He gathered Meg's undergarments and rushed to her side to help her regain a small amount of her modesty. Meg may not have really been a woman concerned with propriety, but Sam felt uncomfortable being in a room with an unclothed, suffering person. For his efforts, Sam got a swift kick to the ribs.

"Don't touch me!" Meg shouted. Despite her temporary blindness, she was able to collect her lingerie. Again, the angel's eyes searched for Meg, expressing distress on her behalf.

"Don't look at her," Dean growled and gnashed his teeth together so furiously it was a small wonder they did not break. "Put on your pants."

In a drawn out, embarrassed moment, Cas put himself together. Dean watched him expectantly, but Castiel didn't know what to say to him. The angel had never seen Dean look so crushed and angry at the same time. Defeated, Dean addressed him in a low voice, "How could you, Cas?"

"You said…you said you didn't care," Cas replied, and yet, the angel still felt like he had betrayed Dean on an entirely new level. Cas didn't know how he could be in the wrong when he considered all the women Dean had been with since they had known each other, but Castiel expressed regret anyway. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize to me."

Castiel blinked up at Dean, thinking that he must still be insane because he didn't understand anyone. Neither Meg nor Dean cared for his apologies in spite of clearly needing them and conveying a desire for them in every other sense. Dean simultaneously cared enormously for something he claimed to _not_ care about in the same day. Cas' head was spinning and his heart was in turmoil, but nothing surprised him as much as the sight of Meg landing a swift punch to Dean's jaw.

Events unraveled quickly and viciously. Dean and Meg rolled around on the floor, at each other's throats. The hatred they felt for each other filled the room like a tangible entity. "Eye for an eye, you little shit," Meg spat as she pummeled Dean and tried to scratch out his eyes.

They were like animals. Meg had the advantage in strength, but Dean had the knife. He pulled it from his pants and pressed it to the flesh over her heart when he was able to force himself on top of her. The loathing in Dean's eyes was astonishing. He was thrilled at the prospect of filling her with holes.

"The nerve you've got, messing with my shiny new meatsuit. You know, you're the first person to hurt the new me," Meg confessed, suggesting that the woman she inhabited would live if she let her go. "Apart from Cas, I haven't been stuck with anything yet. I've been taking such good care of this body, but you want to kill me so _bad_, huh? She's pre-med. She helps grannies cross the street and fosters puppy dogs for fun. Doesn't drink. Pays her taxes. You want to see her die 'cause I made you jealous? You're a sick boy."

"Shut up, Meg, shut up!" Dean made a single, tiny laceration over her heart and Castiel was upon him, pulling his wrist back. He healed Meg's wound and pulled Dean to his feet.

"That's enough," Castiel said.

Who was Castiel to heal a demon? Dean wondered. The Winchester ached when he thought of how it could be that the angel could let Meg kiss him and take a part of him that was sacred.

"You love her, don't you?" Dean cried and broke free of the hold Castiel had him in. He felt ill and very near weeping.

"Dean, please," Castiel avoided answering Dean's question because he no longer understood the meaning of words. Anytime he spoke, Castiel was wrong, so he preferred to admit nothing. There was not a single person in the room that Castiel did not love, but his love was different for each of them. Dean took his evasion as a confirmation of his worst fears.

"After all we've been through?" Dean trembled, "Cas, I killed every damn thing that came between us in Purgatory. I was ready to die if I couldn't be with you. Don't you understand what that means?"

Meg groaned and looked up at the ceiling. _Boo-freakin'-hoo_.

"Yes," Castiel answered. "And I would have done the same for you."

"Then why?" Dean sniveled. "How can you even get hard for her?"

"Wow, hello. I'm still right here," Meg interjected with a wave. "If you wanna know how, I can give you a demonstration. It was pretty easy, huh, Cas? You horn dog." Meg winked at Cas before slipping up to him with a fearless smile to put her hands on him in a direct challenge to Dean. Cas was befuddled with conflicting emotions because he did enjoy Meg's hands on him, but he also could not tolerate Dean's misery.

"Dean, maybe we should go," Sam interfered because it was hard to see everyone so heated, confused, and hurt. If it had been up to him, he would have left the instant he saw a naked Meg on Cas. Sam knew Cas could take care of himself. He knew there wasn't a way to force another person to have feelings where none existed anymore than a person could erase feelings that were already there. "Just give Cas some space."

"And where exactly were _you_?" Meg directed her dark gaze to Sam. "Where the hell did you go after our little suicide mission? Did you get an invite to the gay orgy in Purgatory?"

"I wasn't in Purgatory," Sam answered Meg. The youngest Winchester was guilty of having completely abandoned Meg after their battle with the demons and leviathans. Unlike with Kevin, Sam hadn't even spared her a thought of concern.

"What were you doing for a year, Sam? Eating ice cream? Strolling through the park?" Meg asked. _Getting laid the good ol' consensual way?_ Sam looked away in embarrassment, which said everything. The demon was amazed that she was somehow the villain in this situation. Nobody but the angel minded that she had been forgotten and abused. Yet, she was meant to believe that her crime of making Cas like her was so much worse than the lack of compassion the humans held for her. "Cas, I'll say it again. Ditch these losers."

"Shut up, Meg!" Dean snarled. "Shut your God damned mouth."

"No, you shut up," Meg fumed. "I took a fall for you. Do you even know that? Aw, it only matters when cute little Dean Winchester is in trouble. Well, you listen up, pal. I didn't have to take a trip to another universe to be hunted like an animal. The fact that you don't even give a shit makes me sick. Dean-o, you're just a demon by another name."

They wanted to rip each other to pieces, but this time, Castiel maintained a hold on Dean while Sam grabbed Meg. The woman elbowed Sam in the gut and stepped on his toes. "Jesus, Meg," Sam cried. "Give me a break! Hold still, would you?"

"No! No! You Winchester freaks, I am so sick of your bullshit. Let me go!" Meg grumbled and her eyes went completely black. "You don't get to have everything all the time. The angel's _mine_."

"Over my dead body!" Dean shouted in reply.

"Now we're talking!" Meg huffed and pulled herself towards him. As she did, Castiel protected Dean by backing away from her. They fell back on the bed, and Cas continued to grip Dean who was now settled on his lap. Observable pleasure flooded Dean's face as the arms Castiel had around his torso tightened to keep him safe.

"Be still, Dean," the angel pleaded.

When Dean calmed, Castiel felt a wonderful rush from holding him. Now that Dean was in his lap, Cas didn't want to let go. His embrace became tender and his mouth settled near Dean's neck as he enjoyed his unique, intoxicating scent of old leather, aftershave, and alcohol. If Castiel had to make a choice between Dean and Meg, he would always pick Dean even if he didn't know why.

"No, Cas," Meg set forth out of Sam's hold on her. "Stop it. Stop worshipping this clown. You know my deal is better than his. We'll both kill for you, but I won't abandon you when you stop being useful. I won't throw a fit when you massacre the masses. I don't give a damn about any of that."

Castiel wouldn't let Dean go, because he was enjoying his closeness so much. He considered Meg's words and saw the validity in her argument, but he didn't budge or make any sign of agreeing with her. Meg raged, "What is it with you and Dean? For fuck's sake! Is his dick is made of gold or somethin'? He dropped you once, Cas. What makes you think he won't do it again?"

"She's right," Dean said softly, "I shouldn't have left you." He had been so angry, disappointed, and hurt by Castiel that he hadn't been able to deal with the broken angel. He had put Cas away where he wouldn't have to see him and it was Dean's fault Meg had ever gotten the opportunity to gain favor with the angel. Dean had tried to make amends for leaving Cas behind ever since. Now was one of those moments he swore he would hang on to Cas as long as it was in his power to do so. "I don't want you to go," Dean turned his face to Cas. "I won't lie. I want to force you to stay, but, uh, that whole free will thing, huh?"

Dean's pain peaked to tremendous heights as he considered letting Cas go because he loved him. He was giving Castiel a choice because this entire thing had always been about choice and freedom. Meg settled down on her knees in front of them. She knew she would have trouble competing with a weepy Dean so she cast her most affectionate, puppy eyes up at Cas. "It'll be a world of hell for me if you leave me with nothing," She told Cas, "You _promised_."

Dean pressed his boot on her as if he wanted to push her away, but he simply kept her at bay. Unexpectedly, she gently moved his dirty boot aside and settled her hands on Dean's thighs. She caressed up his legs, watching both men cautiously. "Cas, my little poet," Meg appealed to him lovingly. "I said you could do anything you want with me. Do you want me with Dean? A threesome would be fun, hm? Or even a foursome."

Sam covered his face and blushed deeply. His affections belonged elsewhere, but his eyes were on Meg's back. He studied every line on her body, from the curve of her ass to the ink between her shoulders that illustrated a black cross and an incredibly misplaced set of wings. She was barely clothed, but Sam still felt disgusted with himself for even having entertained the idea he was having. He ran out of the apartment and stomped over to the car. All he wanted was the smallest sense of normalcy. He didn't want a guilt trip from Meg and he didn't want to be seduced by her again either. Maybe he was cowardly, weak, or selfish, but he wanted no part of any of them.

Alone with Dean and Meg, Castiel felt a temptation that was even stronger than Sam's had been. The angel had no immunity to the dark woman even if he suspected she was enticing him for her own benefit. She knew his weaknesses so well. Dean wasn't sure what to do. The demon continued to caress him and fill his head with ideas he didn't want. Despite the reactions of his body, Dean didn't desire Meg. Yet, he wanted Cas so much he could almost see himself accepting the situation.

"I care for both of you," Castiel said and Dean braced himself. Cas regretted that two people that meant so much to him embodied so much hatred for each other. Their tug-of-war for him was both confounding and distressing. Castiel felt full of guilt and sorrow as he expressed his desires, "I don't want to see you fighting. I don't wish either of you to suffer."

"Are we doing this? For real?" Dean gasped. He might have done things much stranger, but he was still unsure. To say that the demon between his legs was making him incredibly nervous was a massive understatement. Dean wouldn't trust Meg's mouth on any part of his body. "This ain't my first rodeo, Cas, but… uh… I think I'd feel more comfortable gettin' blown by a shark."

Meg narrowed her eyes at Dean_. _"I'd rather blow a shark, dipshit."

"Sharks don't have penises, Meg," Dean retorted.

"Then you've got something in common," Meg snarled and tugged on the waist of Dean's jeans.

"Yeah – well – you'd like to think that…" Dean trailed off, angry that he didn't have a better comeback. _Stupid demon._

"What?" Cas released Dean and moved over to the side of the bed. Everything they were saying was bewildering and overwhelming. "Both of you stop, please… I don't even know what you mean… And… How can you – with _three_ people?"

"Aw, baby. Sweet angel of mine," Meg chuckled and set her body in front of the flustered angel. She peered up at his face with amusement and was very willing to show him several new tricks.

Heaven saw everything and was not pleased. Time froze.

* * *

Abruptly, Cas found himself in a sterile audience chamber of Heaven. He was face to face with an unhappy female-bodied angel. The woman in the white room addressed him from her position behind a desk, "Castiel, you have one job."

He stiffened and tried to remember why he was there.

"Demons now?" The female angel said. "We can't tolerate that, you understand."

"Meg is my friend."

"Humans, demons. Does your depravity know no bounds?" The woman didn't have to bellow to deeply unnerve Castiel. As ever, Cas felt like the scum of the universe. He was an infamous angel for the history books.

"I know how it sounds. It sounds insane. Maybe I am crazy…"

"You have many amends to make, Castiel." She folded her hands on her desk, and smiled at him. "You do still care about repairing your relationship with your brethren?"

"Yes."

"Then do your duty."

"Why are you so interested in the activity of the Winchesters?" Castiel asked, not remembering that he had asked the same question the last time they had met.

Castiel was like a broken record to the female angel. He was a rebel that she was unsure could ever be beaten into submission. It was hard for her to remain cool with Cas because lecture after lecture had little affect on him. The other angel sighed, "Your place isn't to ask questions. Your place isn't to fall in love. Affection. Suppress it now or we will suppress it for you."

* * *

Time resumed.

Only Meg was sharp enough to notice the subtle change and the dip in reality. It felt like a gentle, disturbing push. There was another universe in Castiel's eyes and, for an instant, Meg saw the flash of a woman reflected in his beautiful blue orbs. She stared down at Meg, like she had stared down at Castiel. Meg was baffled because the woman in Cas' eyes did not have her image and could not be a reflection of Meg. The demon's heart skipped a beat and her attention increased. Her core erupted with anxiety. _What the hell?_

Then, Castiel blinked and shifted to don the expression of a lost man. Meg had seen that face before on the mental patients in the hospital where she had cared for Cas. More importantly, it was almost identical to the face Castiel had worn during the few days he had been listening to Lucifer. Meg looked around her, expecting to find another woman, but there was no one but them in the room.

Castiel frowned as if he had forgotten where he was and had lost his train of thought. Meg was astonished that Dean noticed nothing. When Meg crawled up onto Cas' lap and gave him a kiss on the ear she didn't do it to make Dean jealous, but so she could secretly whisper to him. "Who's talking to you?"

Meg knew a robot when she saw one even if it was well concealed. Cas had been a radio with only dispassionate circuits for a brain, if only for a matter of seconds. Castiel leaned back and looked at her. "What?"

"That woman – " Meg began, but stopped when she realized he genuinely did not know. _This is some deep shit_.

"You're the only woman I've ever had. You know that," Castiel said. "You're the only person I've ever had."

"You're picking her, aren't you?" Dean stated gravely. If Meg kissed him again, Dean thought he would be sick.

"No," Castiel answered and then faced Meg, "I have to stay with Dean. Please understand."

"It's your 'duty,' huh?" Meg scoffed. Cas responded to her words like a lab rat, nodding and expressing a conditioned sense of determination. She didn't know who was pulling the strings, but she had a guess. Meg held Castiel's face in her hands and kissed him deeply. Castiel responded, as before, but Meg felt a distinction this time around. The demon stroked his face and embedded her fingers into his amazing head of hair.

"Pay attention, space cowboy," She said, "Don't let them control you. Be your own angel. If you've got nothin' you'll have that."

"Let's get out of here, Cas," Dean grumbled as Castiel tried to decipher the meaning of Meg's words. Dean couldn't contain his urge for violence much longer. He was only happy that he hadn't needed to sink to the level of having a threesome with Meg. Slowly, Dean would be able to forgive Cas for screwing her, but that moment was not now.

"Will you think of me when you're fucking him?" Meg teased in a hushed voice and grinned when Cas looked appalled.

"Why do you say things like that?"

"'Cause you're such a doofus." She wanted to have him again so badly. Meg almost pushed away her survival instincts to try to seduce him a second time. She fantasized about making him beg and about making Dean cry.

Castiel slid away from her. "Meg, I will come if you call, as long as it is in my power."

"Thanks, Clarence. I'll keep that in mind."

Cas would never be able to forget her and he wasn't sure if he could ever repay her for having been his gentle nurse and for having given her body to him. It didn't feel right to leave her alone again, but he needed to. "Take care of yourself."

"Get Crowley," Meg smoldered. If it had to be done with the Winchesters, she would accept that as long as they did it right. "Make it permanent, and send me his head on a stake."

Dean and Castiel both nodded.

Meg let them leave. Castiel may have been a precious snowflake of an angel, but she realized something. Cas wasn't her friend. He wasn't a friend to Sam or Dean either. He was a ticking time tomb. He was a single push away from going berserk and she didn't want to be there when it happened.

When Heaven cracked open and got involved, it usually meant nothing good for demons. Meg said she would stick with Cas even if he became useless, and that was true, but that didn't mean she wanted to watch him unravel and become something he didn't even know he was. If Meg saw that happen she might get the urge to protect him and put his safety before her own, like she had before.

As much as she wanted to own him, there was something about Cas that made her believe it was criminal for him to be controlled. As long as Cas was caught in the middle of Heaven's games, he could never be who he wanted to be without destroying everything he touched. Meg told herself the only thing she needed to care about was not being destroyed, even if it meant letting go of Cas.

Meg stretched out on top of the bed and pulled back the sheets to look down at the demon-killing knife she had swindled in an impressive slight of hand. "At least I'll always have you," Meg caressed the weapon and thanked her lucky stars that a jealous Dean was a careless Dean. "I'm gonna call you Castiel, 'cause if worst comes to worst, you'll be the death of me."

Angels were dicks. Demons were out for her. Humans didn't give a shit. All things considered, Meg did all right alone.

* * *

Sam watched Dean and Castiel walk up to the car with unhappy, confused expressions on their faces. He was surprised, but extraordinarily relieved, that they had not taken their time in finishing their business with Meg. Dean wouldn't look at Cas and Cas couldn't lift his gaze from the ground as they walked. Sam sat up in his seat when the other men entered the car and he looked over to his brother.

"Is everything – " Sam halted mid-sentence when he received a single, chilling glance from Dean. The younger brother swallowed and directed his attention elsewhere.

The Impala purred to life, Dean put on his music, and he drove eagerly away from the devilish woman that was Meg. Any business they might have had in that town was now over. Dean drove in silence for so long, but neither Cas nor Sam asked where they were going.

In the back seat, Castiel thought of Meg. He understood now how Dean could be so obsessed with sex. His body was relaxed and contented even if his soul was in pain. The angel didn't just think about her smooth skin, her smoldering intensity, and her soft, beckoning cries, but he also thought of her fate. Cas couldn't help wondering if she would be okay.

Dean's despair was so tangible that it sat like a fourth person in the car. Sam stole glimpses of his brother and found that the sight of him made him question every romantic relationship he had ever had. Sam didn't know if he had ever loved a person like Dean loved Cas. Whatever Dean was thinking about it was so important that it commanded silence.

At last, Dean pulled the Impala into a scenic overlook on the top of a hill. He ejected his tape and killed the engine. His raspy voice filled the car, "Cas. We need to talk."

Not for the first time since returning from Purgatory, Castiel found himself sorting out feelings with Dean, which was a thing neither of them could do well. Sam took the opportunity to stretch out in the car, assuming they would be a while.

"Yes, Dean?" Castiel asked with no small amount of dread in his voice. Cas had always found Dean to be a worldly man so he appreciated and recognized the significance of Dean wishing to speak to him about the side of him that was too often locked away. He saw how difficult it was for Dean.

"You're attracted to Meg. You like her. Maybe you love her," He said with a carefully calculated voice. As much as Dean was revealing, there was a mountain he was still hiding. "It is what it is. I get that. You have a thing with her, but you and I also have a thing. _Our_ thing is different."

"Yes. I concur," Castiel replied with a nod. He couldn't disagree with Dean's sentiments at all. There were shades of affection Cas felt that he couldn't quite pull apart and understand. Cas just knew for some reason Meg and Dean were not the same. Dean shifted on his feet and looked completely unsure of what to do with his hands. He worried that Cas didn't understand though he tried and that it was up to only him to make Cas understand.

"I can't tell you who to be with, but I will tell you I don't want you to touch anyone else," Dean stated and Castiel regarded him with a deep frown. Looking more agitated than Cas had seen him in a while, Dean faltered at his next statement, "But you wouldn't touch me like you touch her, would you?"

Thunderstruck, Castiel replied, "Is that what you want?"

Dean shrugged one of his shoulders and looked away full of vulnerability before nodding in assent.

"Oh…" Castiel exhaled a momentous breath. When he thought about Dean touching him with an amorous hand, Castiel's skin prickled up with an unexpected, unfamiliar quiver. Cas was aware of their mutual love and he would have been happy to give up all of his lives for Dean without ever having the opportunity to touch him intimately. Dean was so important that no amount of touches could ever adequately encapsulate what they were to each other, and yet, the more Castiel thought about it, the more his heart galloped in his chest. "It's alright, Dean. I wouldn't mind if you… It's fine. It's more than fine."

Faced with sweet, albeit flustered, words of consent, Dean neared Castiel. He occupied the little bubble that had become their private world and lifted his hand to Castiel's face. Dean grazed his thumb over the length of Castiel's jaw and let his hand caress down his neck. When Cas inhaled a sharp breath, Dean pressed his lips to the angel's temple. All that Dean had ever wanted had been mere centimeters away from him for so long.

Castiel yearned to feel Dean's mouth pressed to his with such intensity that he was paralyzed by his desire. While he felt Dean's hand settle over his chest and move down the front of his body, the Winchester's lips pressed to his cheek. Then, Dean's mouth found purchase on his throat where it branded Cas with love. Castiel made a pleased sound and sighed, "Dean…"

"Cas," Dean whispered back before peppering his collarbone with affection. He was pointedly avoiding Castiel's lips, which only made the angel squirm with impatience. Cas' fingers sunk into the t-shirt Dean wore under his layers. Finally, Dean brushed his lips a breath away from Castiel's. It was Cas that closed the space between them. He felt his body sing as it acknowledged the kiss it had always wanted.

Dean returned the kiss with gentleness and felt the tear in his heart begin to mend. He wished for the ability to carry Castiel away so he could kiss him in privacy for as long as he wanted. The best he could do was gather the angel into a hidden arm of nature where he pressed him into a tree. Dean savored the taste of his lips with the tip of his tongue and Castiel deepened their kiss with a startling sense of urgency.

Dean fed off the other man's excitement and touched him more boldly. He swallowed Castiel's moans and wondered how he had ever kissed anyone else. Dean pulled on the coat that was forever tied to the love of his life and they parted at last, breathless.

Castiel's eyes were wide, stunned. He trembled in Dean's grasp and felt his heart swelling. "I don't understand…. What…. Why didn't you just take that before?"

Dean's nose brushed against Castiel's as he thought. There were many answers, some of them dark and some of them stupid. In the end, he said, "I don't want to take things from you anymore, Cas. I want to earn them."

Castiel stilled in contemplation.

"I said I cared about you," Dean breathed softly against Castiel's skin. "Truth is, I care about you more than anyone else. I don't ever want to leave you behind again. I want to be your most important person."

Dean's words resonated with the angel who looked up at Dean. "You are," Castiel said.

When Dean descended on him, Castiel welcomed him readily. The angel couldn't think about Meg or anything else when Dean was igniting him with kisses and touches like he was a mass of nerves owned solely by the Winchester. Castiel could not quell the passion that threatened to overcome his entire being. He heard something strange. Something that was light and far away.

_We will suppress it for you._


End file.
